A few years ago I was introduced to Tarot cards while on vacation with friends in Joshua Tree National Park. Early one morning as we were sipping our coffee watching the desert sun rise over the sand-colored rocks, my friend Cat brought out her cards wrapped in a shiny golden scarf. She shuffled a few times and had me cut the deck.
She laid three cards out on the table. One represented the past, one represented the present and one represented the future. The card that was placed in the ‘past’ spot was the Five of Cups. In this particular Tarot deck, the image on the card was a strong-looking white horse with its head hanging in despair. The five cups were at the top of the card radiating white light. Yet the majority of the card had a dark background, almost like a solid wall of dark rain, and this card represented Grief.
At first, I was a little confused about why this card was showing up because I had just come from a beautiful BodyMind Business retreat in sunny Laguna Beach, California. Now here I was vacationing with friends in one of the most beautiful places in the world! I was literally living my dream life!
Yet as I let the imagery sink in, my eyes filled with tears. An unexpected wave of grief came over me. For the past few years, I’d been doing a ton of personal growth work to unlock what was holding me back from working and living in a way that felt fully aligned with who I am and the deep desire I had to contribute to the world on my own terms.
I was done tolerating saying yes to things I didn’t want to do just because I was taught to always be nice. I was tired of downplaying the vision I had for my life and my business just because it might make other people feel uncomfortable. And I was especially done with the part of me that carried around everyone else’s energy like a backpack full of heavy school books because that’s what I thought it meant to care for other people.
I was ready to release all of that so that I could move forward…
yet Grief was there asking to be felt.
Grief wanted me to take some time to mourn the woman that was doing the best she could by giving all of her energy out to everyone else and being afraid to shine too brightly.
The time had come to say goodbye to her. And to honor her for the strength and willingness that brought her here to this very moment.
Later that day as we hiked the Lost Horse Mine trail, I’d occasionally feel warm tears run down my face and mix with the desert dust. I let myself feel everything. It felt like a sacred ritual to help me move forward while honoring all parts of myself.
Grief has been no stranger to me throughout my life. I’ve felt the enormity of its presence when losing someone I love. I’ve felt the anger and frustration that comes with searching for an explanation, even when there is no explanation to be had. I’ve felt its blindsiding entrance no matter how much time I’ve had to prepare.
I’ve witnessed grief make people run away, literally fleeing their life in search of a place where grief will not find them, only to catch up with them when they least expect it. I’ve seen what happens when grief is not given the time and attention it is asking for, and it decides to stick around for decades.
Yet just like the light shining above the horse’s head on that Five of Cups Tarot card, I believe Grief is also a window to let grace into our lives if we are courageous enough to open it up and fully feel it.
Grief can strip away everything that does not matter and it gives us permission to be who we are. It allows us to be fully present within ourselves.
Isn’t that what so many people are searching for in the self-help and personal development world? To be present and connected to themselves?
Yet when Grief comes to our door we are afraid to open it for fear that we will not be able to handle what comes inside or how long it wants to stay.
What might happen if instead of ignoring Grief, we welcome it into our home? What if we listened instead of trying to push it away, or convince it that it has shown up at the wrong house, at the wrong time?
What if we invited Grief to stay for a little while, set the table with the nice dishes, and gave it a seat at the dinner table?
What if we even lit some candles and decided to chat for a little while?
I have a feeling Grief would share some powerful insights with us and then be on their way.
I wonder what might be different if we allowed ourselves to listen to Grief, not only when we lose the ones we love, but also when there are parts of ourselves, decisions, careers, and even old habits that are asking to be laid to rest so that we can fully step into who we came to this earth to be.
Our fast-paced culture has us moving so quickly that it seems we only tolerate its presence for a few days at most, and then it’s back to work and onto the next thing. We have forgotten how important feeling grief is, and how ritual can help us transition from one chapter of our lives onto the next.
Even something as simple as allowing yourself to let the tears trickle down your face as you feel your emotions mixing together instead of trying to hide or wipe them quickly away can help you honor the feelings that wish to be fully felt.
The next time Grief comes to your door, give yourself time to pause, listen, feel, ask, express, mourn, and share. It is not to be feared, for it is there to share something powerful with you, if you are willing to listen.
