Have you ever had a time in your life when you were racking your brain trying to figure something out?
I remember one time in particular when I was learning how to make a landing page for my company. I had been at it for TWO WEEKS (technology was not easy for me back then), trying to figure out the fonts, logos, headers, footers and how to include images.
I had set a goal for myself to get this landing page completed, and out of sheer determination, I had figured out almost everything. There was ONE MORE THING TO COMPLETE.
The link.
The all elusive link that would allow me to share my amazing free resource that I had created for people. I didn’t even know what the link was supposed to look like. I didn’t even know how to create it. I was soooo close to finishing, and I couldn’t figure it out.
I’m no quitter, but I just couldn’t do it.
I wanted to cry, but I didn’t have any tears left.
I would have ripped my hair out, but it was way too knotted and matted to the top of my head for me to even grab ahold of. I hadn’t showered in at least two days. It might have been longer. I didn’t really know because I had been sitting at my computer chair for two weeks straight, 12 hours at a stretch.
I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I pushed myself back from my desk and I said, “I’m going to take a shower.”
What I knew from my years as a BodyMind coach was that my body was talking. My body knew, not my brain, that I needed to let the hot water wash over my scalp, my hair, my body, and just wash away all the fucking frustration and tears.
After about five minutes of letting the hot water pour over my head, my hair, and my shoulders, I started to massage the shampoo into my scalp when all of a sudden, I had this vision of the link and what it looked like.
YES, the link that I didn’t know how to create.
YES, the link that I didn’t even know what it looked like AND had never even seen before!
But, in the shower, I knew what it looked like, and I saw where it was and how to make it! Just to be sure that I wasn’t hallucinating from exhaustion, I reached out to my good friend Carly, a fellow BodyMind coach, to ask her if the image from my vision was the link I had been looking for. She said, “YES! That’s it.”
HOLY FUCK!!
I had been in my chair for 2 weeks straight trying to figure all this shit out, and in a moment of taking care of myself, in a moment of nurturing and nourishing myself, in the action of creating space for me to get in the shower and give myself some love, and a long overdue break, I was in fact honoring my boundaries. And, the answer came to me easily.
Navigating boundaries is about creating space for you!
I believe that we often look at our work from the perspective of an incomplete project that nags at us until it is complete.
We just want to get it done, so we force ourselves to work extra long hours to get it completed and off of our list. To check the box so we can feel accomplished.
But, this isn’t how our bodies work.
We need space to rest.
We need space to recharge.
We need space to receive support. We need space to dream and plan and create our vision.
We need space to connect. (If 2020 didn’t show us this, I don’t know what will.)
This space is created when we have boundaries surrounding and safeguarding and honoring this time for ourselves.
Boundaries are in everything and are everywhere. Our life experiences and how we feel bring them to our attention.
You might be asking yourself, how do I know if my boundaries are being crossed?
My answer to this question is your body will share with you when you are honoring and dishonoring your boundaries. Here’s what I mean…
Have you ever had that feeling of dread wash over you or felt your stomach drop right after you said yes to someone or something, when what you really wanted to say was no? THAT is your body talking and letting you know that either a boundary has been crossed or letting you know where a boundary needs to be put in place!
Just like when my body told me to get out of my computer chair and let the hot water wash over me. Up until that moment, I had been feeling stressed out, anxious, and overwhelmed! It was through listening to my body that I noticed these feelings, and that led me to honor my boundaries.
My work boundaries had been so crossed, so stepped on, that all that was left for me to do was to push my chair back and get away.
I wish I could say that I have never had issues with navigating and honoring boundaries for myself since that day.
It’s just not true.
Even as I write this article, I am still working on honoring my boundaries in many areas of my life, particularly when it comes to answering my phone when family members call me just to chat during my work hours.
What I have come to learn though is this is NOT about reaching a time when all of our boundaries have been set and are all perfectly in place. Navigating boundaries is a constant ebb and flow.
As we grow our boundaries grow.
As we change, our boundaries change.
As new situations arise, our boundaries get to rise to meet them.
In my coaching practice, one of the biggest reasons people share with me of why they find it challenging to honor their boundaries is because it requires them to say NO! No to their parents, their families, friends, co-workers, etc.
With saying no comes the fear of letting others down, being a disappointment, and feeling like they can’t be counted on, etc.
What I believe is that when we don’t instill and honor our boundaries, we let ourselves down and disappoint ourselves!
When we are NOT honoring our boundaries, we ourselves are crossing them. It is our work to push our chairs back and honor the sacred space that we have created for ourselves by honoring our boundaries even when the project/work isn’t completed. Especially then!
Boundaries are your anchor. They hold you in place and keep you from drifting off with the current of what everyone else wants and desires. They keep you true to yourself. They are the beautiful case that holds your compass so you can navigate your path.
I hate to think of what might have happened had I not pushed my chair back that day and not gotten into the shower. Had I not honored my boundary, and instead just kept pushing and pushing, I know I would have hit burn out and been so frustrated that my resource and all the resources that I have created since then, probably wouldn’t have gotten out into the world and helped the people that they have helped.
Because I honored my boundary, because I pushed my chair back, because I created that space to nourish myself, I was able to help and serve sooo many others. Knowing that, how can honoring your boundaries and creating space for you possibly be selfish, letting others down, or disappointing others?
IT CAN’T. Period.
Honoring your boundaries and saying no is in fact honoring you and supporting you to be in flow with yourself and of service to your family, friends, co-workers, and the world!
How can you start to push your chair back and create time and space for you?
What can you do right now to start putting boundaries around something that is sacred to you?
What needs to happen to get your sacred boundaries put into place?
P.S. Would you like more support around this? Check out my video because there is a little bonus gift inside!
what needs to happen to put your sacred boundaries in place?
