What do you think about moving to Ireland?” I literally had to sit down in the closest living room chair. My husband Devin had just arrived home from his 90-minute commute back from New York City, and these were the first words out of his mouth.
A million thoughts started running through my head: What about my office? My clients? My family and friends?
What about the BUSINESS I have been building for years? I’m not ready to go full-time into coaching! Can we do that? What if we did that?! When are we doing this?!
A wave of terrifying excitement came over us when we realized we had been making aligned decisions for the past few years based on creating a life that would allow us to take opportunities just like this. And now, it was here.
Devin and I have been consciously cultivating an alternative definition of what success meant for us from the very start of our relationship.
We held off on having kids because we wanted to travel the world. We chose not to buy a home yet because we just never felt the need. Our beloved Russian Blue, Kilgore had passed the year before and we decided not to bring another animal into our lives yet so that we could travel. We had very few expenses, and our passports were updated!
Everything felt like it was aligning for this moment. For me, this feels like part of my definition of success — the freedom to be able to make decisions based on your dreams, guided by your values.
These decisions are not easy to navigate because we are constantly inundated with what success “should” look like in every single area of our lives. Just look at what is trending on Netflix and your social media feed.
We are constantly comparing ourselves to others. Our clothes, our homes, our cars, our businesses, our bank accounts. A lot of this is happening subconsciously which is why it is even more important to redefine what success means for you.
Let’s do a little experiment.
Take a moment to picture what comes to mind when you think about success…
What do you see?
For me, the immediate image of white men in suits, mansions, fancy people with fancy cars immediately pops into my mind. Even after all these years of personal development and conscious repatterning of my brain, this image still remains. That’s how ingrained it is. And this isn’t at all what makes me feel successful.
In fact, the very next question that comes to my mind is, “Are they happy? Do they have a community that loves and supports them? Or is it full of comparison? What is this kind of success costing them? What impact is this having on their children? And the planet?”
I’ve worked with enough celebrities and people who seem to have it all on the outside, yet they are miserable, stressed out, lonely and unhappy on the inside. They came to me for a massage to escape from it all for a few peaceful moments during their session but then it was right back to the phone(s) and all of the demands to keep up with their successful lives.
As I started pondering what my true definition of success is, the curious fact-finder in me had to check in to see what Grandmother Google had to say.
Here’s what I found: Success is achieving positive results, the accomplishment of one’s goals, attainment of wealth, position, and honors.
Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to accomplish goals! I am a coach after all, and my Human Design is a Generator. I can work like there is no tomorrow and enjoy it! I love making money because it allows me to support my team, community, causes & businesses that are consciously thinking about more than the bottom line. My version of success allows me to continue to explore my own growth, which seems to have a ripple effect to everyone else around me.
But here’s what I find disturbing and why it is so important for each one of us to redefine success for ourselves.
There is not one word in that definition about love, creativity, connection or joy.
What is life without those essential pieces? If we are all by default trying to attain traditional success, is that what you really want?
The traditional path to accumulating wealth, assets, resources, land, and power at the expense of oppressing marginalized people and believing you have a divine right to do so is the very reason our planet, our people, and our society are literally and figuratively falling apart.
This entire ideology is in need of a complete renovation, and it is the farthest thing from how I want success to feel in my body.
My definition of success continues to evolve as I do, and right now our move to Ireland does feel like a huge success because it has been a dream of ours to live in another country. Before the pandemic, we were able to share our beautiful apartment overlooking the sea with EIGHT sets of visitors! We have a lovely community of friends and the connection I feel to this land is like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
So as I share my definition of what success means to me at this moment, I would love to invite you and give you permission to let your own definition unfold.
Success is having the courage to step through the fear of what others might think to follow the big vision that lives within my heart. It’s seeing the bigger picture and taking time to literally smell the roses on my morning run. It’s building loving communities and connecting amazing people to each other. It is experiencing joy in the little moments that make up our lives, and the big milestones that will make up exciting moments to tell our grandchildren.
Success is enjoying the path towards your goals even more than reaching them. To me, this is crucial because we’re going to spend a hell of a lot more time on our way to our goals than we are in those moments we arrive at them. That moment is fleeting. It may last a few days, but it is more likely to last only a few hours before our brain starts looking for the next problem to solve or idea to bring to life! Welcome to being a human!
This is a RENEWABLE cycle of success that prioritizes love, joy, community and connection. These also happen to be my values. So when you can live in alignment with your values on your way to your dreams, goals and desires, you won’t get so rattled when things don’t turn out the way you envision them. It gives you permission to pivot, to change direction and to choose a different path if your heart is calling you somewhere else.
This is the cycle of sustainable success that helps us enjoy our lives while also having big dreams. It’s the path that heals people, and I also think it could help heal the world.
And the beautiful thing about redefining success is that when you do, you get to start living the life you want now instead of waiting for the right time, or even worse, retirement. Your version of success is waiting for you my friend. Start redefining it, so you can start living it! Enjoy every step you take along the way instead of waiting until you retire to start living the life you want. Take that first step on your journey right away!
