Do you ever just know things?
Get these nudges, or maybe a giant push, that you have to do something now? No hesitancy. No worries what others may think. It’s plainly clear that now is the time.
Or perhaps there’s a plot twist thrust upon you and you simply know what needs to happen next. Things fall into your awareness and you feel “Yes, that’s the next step,” as big or small as it may be.
I do. I have my entire life. In fact, it’s so ingrained in my experience that it didn’t occur to me until sometime in my late 20s that this isn’t how everyone experiences the world. And, that not everyone has access to this tool.
I call it my “knowing.” It acts as my compass in navigating change.
I don’t talk about it much as I recognize how strange it can sound to others. The idea that someone simply knows something without doing research or asking for opinions can feel foreign and scary. Even for me.
And yet it shows up again and again.
It was there when we chose to move to Utah not knowing a soul, no jobs lined up, and having just bought a house there.
It was there when we moved back to the DC area nine years later based purely on this nudge that all would be okay.
It was there when I sat in a classroom of about 40 people at my college orientation, looked around, and said, “One of these people will be my roommate.” And one of them was indeed randomly assigned as my roommate my freshman year. We lived together for four years, and we are still in contact today.
“But wait. Hold on. You just know things? Fine. What’s going to happen in my life? What am I thinking right now??”
It doesn’t work that way. I don’t ask for guidance or to know things, and I don’t get to choose when these “hits” happen. They are just there. Clear as can be.
My knowing is a tool I use to navigate change, not a guarantee.
It’s an invitation to a deeper relationship with the universe. When I listen to the language and reactions of my body, my knowing, there is a sense of peace, alignment, and certainty that shows up.
My relationship with change is matter of fact. I don’t crave it. I don’t fear it. It’s equanimous.
My first step in navigating anything is to build a sense of understanding and connection. To open my whole self to what it truly means to me so that there’s a mutual relationship between me and change moving through life. So, I explore, “What does change look and feel like to me?” not on the surface level, but more deeply. As we understand each other’s nuances, we build trust. And with that trust, there is a sense of peace and calm.
Change feels inevitable and necessary. It’s exciting, terrifying, dependable, and predictably unpredictable. Sometimes it feels painful, annoying, suffocating, lonely, and outrageously vulnerable. And also invigorating, insightful, freeing, aligned, and full of possibility.
Change is the elixir of growth and expansion — opening doors we never imagined existed.
In June 1996, I was doing a 3-day, 250-mile fundraising bike ride supporting people living with HIV and AIDS. There were about 3000 riders, yet somehow on the second day I found myself completely alone in the hills of Pennsylvania. Riding along it hit me: “I have to go to massage school now. And I will work with people dealing with HIV and AIDS.” It was so clear. There was not a question. I’d been interested in massage school for years, yet hadn’t taken any steps beyond gathering general info. I finished the ride and came home. I promptly requested the brochure from a school 777 miles away I’d heard about that also felt like a “yes,” applied sight unseen, was accepted, drove to the town with a friend and found an amazing place to rent with people who are still like family, and started massage school in September of that year. People around me thought it was ridiculous, irresponsible, and just plain crazy to leave my salaried full-time job and follow this nudge. I never had a doubt. Not for one second. And everything I needed fell right into place to support me.
To me navigating change is being able to let change flow through you. (CLICK THE IMAGE ABOVE TO PLAY THE AUDIO.)
I love to weigh choices and research things. Information feels like power and control. And yet, some of the biggest, most powerful and impactful changes, like my decision to go to massage school, has come from my sense of knowing. From simply trusting the nudge that I get and moving on it — no research, no pondering, no worries about consequences or if it will work. Simply trusting my body, trusting my intuition and taking the step forward. No questions. No doubt. Just grounded certainty that this is what needs to happen.
When I welcome change from this embodied place of knowing, from my body leading me to what’s next, there is rarely fear or hesitance. Sure, there’s curiosity about how it might work out and what it may look like.
At the heart of it, there’s this deep trusting and knowing that it WILL work out.
That I will not only survive, I will thrive and grow more fully into my own possibility and truth. I will open myself to give and receive the beauty of the world in all ways, and most importantly, I will open myself to receive the beauty of me.
I appreciate change’s invitation to live in this exact moment and to adapt and flow with what’s around us. How often do we hear “Wow, you’ve got a lot going on! It sounds like you’re living one day at a time.” One day at a time? Not a chance. Try one minute at a time. One second at a time.
I tend to navigate a moment in split seconds, listening and trusting my deep, innate knowing of the world. These split second awarenesses of “Yes. This. Now.” have shown up over and over. When I honor them, life falls into place with ease. Things align and my needs are met.
I’ve felt this when I’ve walked into a house or apartment and said, “Yes, this is right This is where I will live.” And each time, that was where I lived and it was perfect.
Or when I pull up to an intersection where I can go either direction and ask my body, “Which way?” and later learn that the way I wasn’t called toward involved delays or an accident.
A few years ago there was a fire in my office building forcing me to immediately close my massage office. I found out when a friend sent me a text asking, “Are you okay???” with a photo of the fire. My first reaction? “Oh fuck.” I took a few breaths and felt the message from my body, “It’s okay. We’ve got this. It’ll work out.” I put the word out to the community and started looking for a place to practice. A yoga studio reached out. “We may have a space that’ll work for you.” I knew immediately that this was the answer before I even saw the space. I moved in and my business and sense of community nearly doubled.
Just earlier this week we went from having dinner planned to going out when someone else’s schedule change meant we needed to be out of the house when we’d usually be cooking and eating. My daughter and I rolled with this plot twist, asked our bodies what we wanted to eat, and both independently came up with the same thing!
When I ignore these nudges for the sake of comfort, responsibility or expectation, it feels misaligned and wrong.
I know in my body that change is calling and I’m telling it “no” to honor others before honoring myself. To not cause upset or disturbance. To keep the peace or avoid conflict. The result has been illness, malaise, sleepless nights, restlessness, depression, and even body aches and pain.
I once spent 18 months dealing with debilitating sciatica that didn’t follow any typical rules and didn’t make sense to anyone. I finally owned that there were deeper, more emotional elements standing in the way of breaking that pain pattern. When I owned that deeper change and awareness needed to happen, I was able to move through that pain back into a place of physical and emotional health and alignment.
And there was the time my junior year of college when my sister planned a solo road trip to explore the country. I had this sinking feeling I didn’t really understand and couldn’t put it to words. It has a heaviness. An unsettling nagging. I kept it to myself. Then one day I stopped in my room to change after lunch and my phone rang. It was mom. “Are you sitting down?” “No, I’m changing for my PE class. What’s wrong?” My sister had been shot through her leg in New Orleans. My immediate response, “Well that explains everything…” Thankfully she is fine.
Some of my more profound changes have come from that place of total surrender and trust, something I honestly didn’t know I was capable of growing up. Perhaps my inability to trust those around me opened the way for me to deeply trust myself and my intuition. To open all my senses to the language of my body and the world.
Change invites creativity and problem solving, acting as a catalyst in exploring new perspectives we’ve previously missed. While it may feel restrictive in the moment, change welcomes the emergence of true self. A self we may have sensed was there or perhaps one we’d never guess was waiting to emerge. For me, that true self is clearly lingering in my knowing, awaiting the chance to feel seen and heard.
What is change inviting you to notice?
What may be possible when you learn the language of your body and listen to your nudges? When you release the fallacy of control and open your whole self to trusting that you already have the tools within you to navigate any change that comes your way, life becomes simple.
My life has been a parade of huge changes, each opening a door to THIS moment — to THIS version of me — and this version is fucking awesome.
change invites creativity and is a catalyst
