Self-care. It’s been on my mind lately.
What is it exactly? How do you practice it? What does it actually mean?
Truth be told, I don’t have a self-care ‘routine’. I know, I know… this whole magazine… my whole business… is about redefining self-care! How can I not have a self-care ‘routine’?!
Honestly, that is exactly why I want to have this conversation. From what I see on social media and what I hear from my clients, self-care has become another buzzword. It’s become another thing to check off your ‘to do list’. It’s become pictures of perfectly manicured nails, sitting on the beach or on a yoga mat, with a green smoothie, and a self-help book in hand. It’s another item to check off a ‘to do’ list that, for some people, causes more stress than relief.
And if we’re really honest about it… ‘self-care,’ as we see it on social media, has become a luxury for primarily upper-middle class, white women that we’re all supposed to compare ourselves to.
Yes… I love to drink my bullet-proof coffee while journaling about my vision. I enjoy moments of solitude where I feel into my breath and connect to the world around me. I take long walks with my dogs to ground myself. I create spaciousness in my calendar so I don’t fall into the trap of being ‘busy’. My work is filled with purpose and my mission drives to make an impact in the world. I cook healthy foods and enjoy how they energize my body.
The thing is… this isn’t my ‘self- care routine’. This is my LIFE.
Personally, I believe people struggle so much with ‘self-care’ because it is used as a band-aid to cover the true issue that is happening… disconnection.
Think about that for a minute.
If you need ‘self-care’ to ‘reconnect to yourself/your life,’ then that means your life itself is rooted in disconnection.
Is that really the life you want to be living?
As we have discussed throughout this issue, true self-care is a radical rebellion. It is having difficult conversations. It is setting boundaries. It is honoring your body and living in tune with nature.
True self-care is living a life rooted in connection. And in order to be connected to others — family, friends, colleagues, your community, and the world — you must first live in a state of deep connection within yourself. That means putting yourself at the center of your life, fully honoring your natural gifts, receiving abundantly for who you are, and intentionally creating a lifestyle that supports you.
And if I just hit a nerve… good.
If you just got a little uncomfortable… good.If the voice in your head just chimed in and said, “that would be selfish”… good.
That feeling and those beliefs are the very thing you get to address to practice true self-care. Because if you are living in a way where you have to ‘disconnect’ from your life to find yourself again, that means the life you are living is disconnected from its most magical gift — YOU!
Practicing TRUE self care isn’t easy. I get it. I’m a wife, mother, and business owner. No matter what I am doing, there is a part of me that always feels like I am letting someone else down. And in a culture that teaches women to sacrifice themselves and be responsible for everyone else… living connected within myself takes intention and focus (i.e. ‘self-care’). As soon as I disconnect from myself to please others is when I start letting others down.
And I’ll let you in on a little secret…
What I have learned most in my BodyMind journey is that when I live embodied, connected, and in tune with my wholeness, everyone around me benefits.
It’s a paradox.
If you want to give abundantly to others it starts with honoring and nurturing your brilliance.
In order to live in a state of true self-care, there are so many habits, patterns, beliefs, systems, structures– both individual and collective– that need to be broken down. That is why true self-care is a rebellion. It is literally the process by which we break down toxic systems that have been plaguing our culture for centuries. But where do you start?
I am a firm believer that, instead of seeking answers, seek better questions. Better questions will expand your world and reveal a deeper layer of what is possible.
That is why I want to leave you with two questions I hope will help you feel your way forward in this journey.
What do I get to receive in order to honor myself in this moment?
“There is a difference between being selfish and being selfish. Selfishness is being just focused on you — totally narcissistic. Being selfish on the other hand, is being able to set good boundaries, focusing on your self-care and yet not making your life a selfish life. A selfish person fills themself up so they can serve others in greater and greater ways. It means being in your power — being fully yourself.” — Mastin Kipp
If we are going to shift our perspective on self-care, we first have to shift the belief that ‘receiving’ is selfish. You were born with a unique set of gifts, talents, and abilities that, when actualized, serve the entire world. When you practice radical self care, and allow yourself to receive for what comes natural to you, this amazing thing happens… others around you receive more and the good in your heart that wants to help others is amplified.
And that leads me to the second question…
What do others get to receive as I receive?
This question changed my life because when I started to live this work for myself, I noticed that my clients started enforcing healthier boundaries… not because I bended my boundaries to help them… but because I enforced my boundaries to honor myself.
My relationships started to improve… not because I put on a fake smile and acted polite… but because I was honest and asked for what I needed… which inspired them to do the same.
I watched people around me value their natural gifts and talents, raise their rates, ask for the raises… not because I lowered my standards… but because I chose to value myself, my time, and my brilliance.
You are a gift to this world and what the world needs most is to you to honor and value yourself.
And THAT is the truest form of self-care you will ever practice.
