“You want to know the secret to success?” The speaker’s bold voice reverberated throughout the auditorium. The thousands of people in attendance leaned in.
I watched as he pranced across the stage. He looked and sounded like he was the elderly cast member of the Jersey Shore. Like so many of the male speakers at these business conferences, he was dressed in his super-hip and millionaire casual gear– jeans that
hugged all the right places, tight white t-shirt that made his chest pop, fancy sneakers that probably cost more than my whole outfit, and slicked back dark brown hair.
He asked the question again, this time even louder, to rev up the audience “Do you want to know the secret to success?!”
Even before the words came out of his mouth, I could feel my insides churning. This was not my first business conference, or as I like to say, ‘bro show’, and I had a feeling what was coming next.
“GIVE!” He roared so enthusiastically that his nipples were nearly piercing through is white shirt, “GIVING is the key to success! And if you want to reach your next level, you need to GIVE MORE!”
The room exploded with applause.
Across the auditorium, I saw eyes light up. And I noticed how the audience — mostly men — started to write feverishly about all the ways they were going to give to get to that next level of success (which made me wonder if this was truly the type of ‘giving’ the speaker intended).
Then I looked even closer…
While the men were engrossed in the message, something was happening with the healers, feelers, empaths, and most of the women in the room. They opened their journals, slumped their shoulders and, with a look of total exhaustion, began to reaffirm the very belief that was BLOCKING them from their next level of success — give more.
I sat there in disbelief. As women, we are taught from a young age to sacrifice — to give our gifts freely, to give our time unconditionally, to give our energy openly. At the same time, we try so hard to measure up to this cultural idea of success of striving, hustling and proving.
I looked at the women in the room and thought about the hundreds of hours of free services and thousands of dollars in discounts we had given… at what point would we finally have given enough to simply receive?
And once again, here was this super masculine, millennial-wannabe expert, who represented the epitome of what our culture deems ‘success’ — money, cars, jets, houses, book deals, speaking gigs — who obviously had no problem receiving (as evidenced by the slides on the screen and the story he told about blowing up a hillside so he could build his lakefront mansion) telling us that we needed to GIVE MORE before we could reach the level of success he had achieved.
I cringed.
For this speaker — YES — giving more is a radical, transformational way to reach that next level. He had been told his whole life that it was ok for him to take, to earn, to make money, to strive, to achieve.
What I think he was intending to say here is that the key to success is generosity.
Success without generosity is simply greed.
If you are reading this magazine, I have a sense that being generous and sharing your gifts is inherent to your idea of success. Yes, we can talk about success as a lifestyle or success as a way of being.
But I think If we are truly here to redefine success, what would serve all of us is to explore more deeply what it means to be generous.
What bothered me so much about this speaker’s presentation is that I think so many people left asking the question, ‘what can I give so I can get what I want’. That is not being generous. That’s being manipulative.
On the flip side, so many women left affirming the belief that generosity meant sacrificing more. And at some point, that isn’t generosity either. That’s martyrdom.
It is human nature to desire success. I believe all of us want to be seen and recognized for being our authentic selves and then share our natural gifts to contribute in a bigger way. It’s a balance of giving and receiving.
I believe all of us are born with natural gifts, talents, and abilities. What might seem ordinary to us, is actually how we contribute to the world. And this type of contribution is a natural expression of who you are.
That’s right… who you are, as you are, naturally gives to the world around you. But so many of us get caught up in this chase for external success that we sacrifice who we are in an attempt to find something outside of ourselves to prove that we are good enough to receive.
Of course this type of success is stressful and exhausting!
For most heart-centered, mission-driven, caring people, your next step to success and giving more is allowing yourself to receive for your gifts.
Think of it this way, an oak tree is generous simply because it is. It’s leaves give shade for animals. It’s branches give a home for the birds. It’s nuts give nourishment for the squirrels. Even in its death, an oak tree gives back to the soil.
In order for an oak tree to give at its highest level, it must be willing to receive. Receive the nutrients and water from the soil and the sunlight through its leaves. It must be willing to take up space.
For me, success is peeling back the layers of who I think I’m supposed to be, so that I can receive for who I truly am, and in doing so, share my gifts generously, without expectation because I am already full, with the world.
This type of success is interdependent.
This type of success is fulfilling.
This type of success is the essence of life itself.
I dream about what might be possible in our world when all of us are living this level of success.
……….
About two weeks after that event, it was my turn to be on stage at our BodyMind Coaching LIVE! Event.
Before I stepped on the stage to empower our amazing BodyMind Coaches, I surrendered into my breath, came back into my body, and set one simple intention: Receive.
Receive the people coming from around the world for the workshop.
Receive the energy of what comes forth during our time together.
Receive their questions, their hopes, their fears, their desire for something more.
Receive their attention and their intention.
What happened during those four days was the most magical and successful event I have ever hosted.
Why?
Because the giving happened automatically and was amplified by every person’s willingness to receive because they were already whole.
