When I found out I was pregnant last year, I remember very clearly telling myself I was going to have such a healthy pregnancy and continue exercising daily and eating well! No “eating for two” excuses for this girl! No way!
Then the morning sickness kicked in, and the unimaginable exhaustion, and the sudden urge to eat every ounce of sugar I could find. Then, me, the couch, and Netflix became best buddies!
Fast forward to May, I gave birth to a happy, healthy baby girl. The feeling of staring into the eyes of my child, holding her against my skin, watching her soak everything in, is like nothing I have ever experienced before.
There was still that nagging gremlin in the back of my mind that would show up everytime I looked in the mirror telling me I gained too much weight. “This isn’t my body!” I would say.
As soon as that six-week postpartum appointment came around and I got the green light to exercise again, I marched into my basement and picked up my weights. I envisioned myself back to my pre-baby routine: exercising 4-5 times a week (while she naps, right?!) and fueling my body with healthy, nutritious meals. I saw myself getting back to meditation, daily journaling, and soaking up some personal development. It was summertime, so I felt I could do a lot of this outside. I was going to be a supermom and an awesome role model for my daughter! You know, like the ones you see on social media. *insert eyeroll here*
I felt those gremlins getting louder and louder. It’s not going according to plan. This. Isn’t. My. Body. Here’s the run-down of the thoughts that were swirling around…
If I don’t follow my plan to a T, then I might as well not do it at all.
I don’t recognize myself anymore.
I still look pregnant. Nothing fits. People will stare and judge if I leave the house.
If I take time to exercise, I’m taking time that I should be spending with the baby and I don’t want to be a bad mom.
Who has time to journal? It’s certainly not quiet enough to meditate.
Who am I? How could I be so lazy?! These are hormones, right? Postpartum? It’s normal. No it’s not. I’m such a bad mom.
These gremlins kept me guilt ridden and feeling so low about myself, affecting my relationships with everyone around me, including myself.
I was feeling exactly what I would never want my daughter to feel. When I realized this was not how I wanted to feel, I asked myself, “How would I coach my clients through this?”
I started with witnessing how I was feeling with those swirling thoughts in my head. I tuned in and listened to what my body needed. “Release.” How might I release these feelings? I asked.
I decided to take a long hot shower and allow the water to cleanse my thoughts, starting from the top of my head, down my body and into the drain. I remember releasing any extra gremlins with a good shower cry and reminding myself of something powerful – I get to choose my beliefs. Things started to shift, one belief at a time.
My goodness! Look at what this body can do!
This body grew this beautiful little girl and continues to help her grow.
I don’t have to have such a rigid routine.
I can free myself from the pressure of what “healthy” is and create what that gets to look like for me. I get to be my daughter’s first role model.
When I take care of myself and release the pressure of what that looks like, I am able to give my best to her.
I get to pave the way to show my daughter what self love is by being living proof.
Now, it’s your turn: what beliefs are you choosing?
