In a world where we’re always shifting gears from one thing to the next, to the next, slowing down is not one of those gears. Pausing is not one of those gears. Stillness is not one of those gears.
You know how when you’re at work and you are so looking forward to wrapping up for the day? It’s not that you don’t love what you do (or maybe that is the case), it’s just there is a tension, an almost constant pace that is kept and maintained throughout the day. Answering emails, solving problems, dealing with technical difficulties and the juggling act that goes with all of that. Even as I type this, I can feel the constant drum beat of productivity and solutions. It can be hard to come down off of that fast pace, to LET yourself come down from that drumbeat and release the hustle.
Everyday, all day, we are navigating situations, stressful situations, anticipating, doing “all the things.” Then, someone or a social media meme says you need to rest, pause, be still.
Wait, what? What do you mean pause, rest, and be still?
When I see these well-intentioned posts, I think, How can we be still when our neural pathways have literally been wired to constantly be adapting, anticipating, surviving, and figuring out all the things?
Our society, our culture teaches and shows us that being an amazing leader means that you can shift and adapt. And when you are doing the doing, adapting, filling in the gaps and the spaces as they arise, it can be difficult to then shift gears to pause, rest, and be still.
Our daily, repeated activities create habits. It’s really no wonder when we get home or when it’s time to “punch out” from our job that it’s difficult to switch gears. We make these habits, these responses to our external environment all day long, and then when the clock says a particular time, we’re supposed to somehow be still?
Yet, at the same time, somehow, my body knew there MUST be a gear in between.
I didn’t choose stillness.
Stillness chose me.
One morning, I woke up and I was exhausted. My feet hit the floor and I was completely drained.
Wiped out. When I looked at my calendar to see what my day had in store, it was booked solid with massage clients. When I looked to see when my next day off was, it wasn’t for another 4 days. When I looked to see when my last day off had been, it had been 23 days before. I had worked for 3 weeks straight without a day off.
I was so burnt out that I couldn’t turn my neck to the left or to the right. When I got into my car to go to my office, I couldn’t even look over my shoulder to change lanes without intense pain.
Up until this point in my life, I would allow myself to rest or be still when one of two criteria had been met.
#1: I had surgery.
#2: I had the flu. And when I say the flu, I mean the one when I was throwing up every 20 minutes.
Head colds and Bronchitis, they didn’t count. Even when my body ached, I would tell myself, “Once you get moving, your muscles will loosen up, you’ll be fine.”
This time was different though.
THIS was the moment that I knew I had to figure out stillness.
When I first started navigating stillness, guilt showed up immediately!!
The guilt of “not doing.”
The guilt of “not being productive.”
The guilt of all the things that
“I should be doing.”
“I should be cleaning the house.”
“I should be catching up on my paperwork.”
“I should be doing my data entry for my taxes.”
“I should be flipping a load of laundry.”
“I should be food prepping.”
“I should be making dinner.”
“I should be returning that email.”
“I should be washing my sheets for tomorrow’s clients.”
The guilt showed up because in this moment I was literally rewiring my neuropathway. Stillness doesn’t just show up one day, and we maintain it forever and ever. It’s a practice. It takes time to cultivate and to become consistent with. It’s a rewiring of the brain. It’s releasing the way society and our culture says to “show up” and replacing that with YOUR way of doing things.
YES, you get to do that!!
How can you begin to navigate stillness?
FIrst, I want to say that your path to stillness is yours to curate!!
Yes, you get to create it.
How I started navigating stillness was I simply asked myself, “How do I navigate stillness? What does stillness look like for me? What does stillness mean to me?” always comes eventually. Ask yourself the question, get curious, and watch what shows up.
The space that you are holding when you ask the question allows the answer to come in.
YOU are your own Google.
You have an inner compass that is there with you as you navigate your path to stillness.
Stillness IS the space where you stop relying on solely yourself and allow yourself to be supported and guided by a power greater than you, your Divine Compass.
Oftentimes people will share that they don’t have the time for stillness.
I believe we do have time for stillness. It just hides and is unintentionally spent in moments of distraction.
It’s in those moments when a notification pops up on the phone. Those moments of checking the inbox and getting sidetracked with another task and then another.
The time for stillness is in those moments when you find yourself saying, ‘Let me just check this one thing and then I can be still… then, I can meditate or go outside and put my feet in the grass or grab that cup of coffee and my favorite book.’
Don’t check that one more thing! Don’t do it; it’s a trap.
I have learned that the “one more thing” mantra is literally
a form of self-sabotage! Don’t believe me? I’ll share with you when this happened to me and what it brought to my awareness.
I remember one day in particular I was at my desk with the full intention of just checking ONE thing, just ONE thing BEFORE going to my stillness practice (which for me is many different things, but on this day it was meditation) when I saw a notification pop up on my computer. I said to myself, I’ll just check this ONE notification and then I will go meditate.
I completed the task but not before another notification popped up on my computer. I said “okay, one more thing and then I’ll go meditate.” Then another notification and another and another popped up. It was the blackhole of “all the things” notifications. Before I knew it, TWO WHOLE HOURS had gone by. I hadn’t meditated, I hadn’t showered, or even brushed my teeth and I was out of time!
I was snatched up into the drum beat of the hustle. Just. Like. That.
How many times have you been able to look at just ONE thing without having TEN more things pop up, and before you know it TWO hours (or longer) have gone by and you still haven’t showered, brushed your teeth, let alone done your stillness practice? And of the shower, brushing teeth, and stillness practice, which one gets cut? Yep, the stillness practice.
I believe that there is a force that does NOT want us to be still for if we were still, we would find out just how powerful we truly are. This force hides itself in notifications, drama, checking just
one more thing, and mindless scrolling, just to name a few. It will do anything to keep you from connecting to your power source, which is within YOU!
Your answers are literally within you!
In my moments of burnout and distraction, I realized that I had redefined stillness and what it meant to me. I had begun to cultivate a practice of stillness that was mine.
It was in those moments where I was taking care of myself and nourishing myself that I allowed stillness into my life. I had surrendered and I totally found it by accident.
Stillness wasn’t about not moving. Stillness wasn’t about physically being still.
Stillness was about me being still from “all the doing” that I came into this space of being, of not relying on myself that then my answers could come to me, effortlessly.
Stillness is the vehicle.
Cultivating my own stillness practice in a way that worked for me gave me the permission to just state my intention, or ask my question of what I hoped to receive or walk away with and that was enough to connect to myself, my spirit, universe, God, insert your higher power here. It wasn’t about giving up, it was about GIVING OVER to stillness and allowing myself to be supported.
It was a huge moment for me in my life, and I began to keep track of what helped me cultivate my practice of stillness and how I navigated stillness, so that now I get to help my clients as they are beginning their journey to give themselves permission for their stillness practice to not look like what they think it should!
Your willingness is all it takes.
When you think about being still you realize that nothing is ever really still. Life is always moving all around us. The breeze is blowing through the trees, the ripple of that tiny leaf landing in the water creating another ripple, the clouds, the sun, the moon, your heartbeat, everything is always moving.
Let this be the permission you need to let your stillness practice not be about being physically still because there isn’t any such thing. It’s about letting your mind be still so that you allow yourself to be supported.
That’s what it means to me anyway. What does it mean to you?
What does navigating stillness look like for you?
It all starts with asking the question and watching what shows up.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
―Ferris Bueller
stillness is the vehicle
