It’s 3 am, and I can’t sleep. I’m hiding in the bathroom, sitting on a pile of dirty towels and leaning against the tub. I’m trying not to type too loudly and wake my three boys, while they slumber here in the ski town of Breckenridge, Colorado.
I’m up for several reasons: One, I’m not great with the altitude, and we’re up high — almost 10,000 feet — and two, because it feels like our country is in turmoil, and frankly, I’m stressed. This happens to me often… bouts of insomnia and stress. More often in the last year (you too?).
One of the many things I am stressing about this (early) morning is purpose. What the heck is my purpose? Why do I need to have such a thing, and why can’t I just be happy as I am?
I’m not kidding;
this is why I am up.
I can hear my husband sleeping away and snoring (it’s an altitude thing) in the next room, clearly not obsessed with his happiness, at least not at this moment. As I try to ground myself and get some shut-eye, I am reminded of a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote:
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
I love this quote because I know that happiness and inner peace is achieved through seeking purpose and being useful; it does not just suddenly magically appear because we wish it or read a flowery quote from Oprah (although I do love Oprah!).
When have you felt the most purpose in your life? For me, it was when I was all-consumed. For example, when my first baby was born, there was nothing else I could think of but his care. My purpose was clear, and everything else just fell away. Today, I also feel a profound sense of purpose when I am coaching women. They hang up the phone with me or jump off a group coaching call and with a renewed sense of their purpose, their flow and impact. They share their wins with me and we celebrate together. I feel useful and fulfilled.
When I am all consumed with my craft I feel purposeful. But the words of Oprah or others floating around the web, podcasts, even on t-shirts often ring through my head on nights (mornings) like this: Typically the quote goes something like, “you’re perfect and whole just as you are.” Is this really true? Are humans born perfectly whole just as they are?
Purpose for each of us is as essential as the breath we breathe, sometimes more. Sometimes we are willing to give our life, literally, to fulfill what we believe to be our purpose. This has often driven men unapologetically through history.
I routinely struggle with thoughts that sound something like this: “I should be content and happy just as I am.” Up until now this has been a mantra I have desperately tried to embody. My kids should fulfill me, my home, my hobbies… this should be enough. But it’s not, they’re not. I need more.
I need to make money, to be recognized for my gifts, to make an impact on the lives of others in a big way. It’s how I am wired, it’s who I am and no mantra will ever silence this voice inside… and that’s okay.
Today, the noise of the world and others’ needs shatter the clarity of my purpose, and it’s unsettling. Pulled in so many directions, the tunnel of clarity I once had for my purpose is harder to find. I have to listen in, plan, and purposely be “selfish” as I work away towards my current vision, my purpose.
So, how do we begin to find purpose in our lives? How do we find meaning in this one and only life? I don’t have a step-by-step guide or a shortcut to finding purpose. But what I do know is that when we stop seeking it, we die. We succumb, and we start to shut down, we become angry and isolated… we become depressed.
In case your purpose is eluding you, I do have a “cheat” to get started: find someone else with it. Find someone with incredible purpose and drive and stand next to her. Seriously, just hang out. Work with her, volunteer with her, do whatever you can to be next to someone with great purpose. You’ll find they rub off on you in amazing ways. Do what they do day-to-day and take their passion on as if it was your own. You might just stumble upon your own purpose and passion in the process, and you’ll be prepared to put on the blinders and act accordingly.
Still… I am up at night wondering the meaning of it all and where I fit in. I fear this wanderlust will never end and I will continue to seek out passion, purpose, flow and the meaning of it all. I know this feeling will pass and I will eventually fall asleep, but I will continue to seek my purpose and I hope you will too.
Reach out and let me know how you’ve found purpose in this only life, and if you’re out seeking it and fumbling around like the rest of us, share that too. What is important is that we don’t stop seeking purpose and meaning.
Our lives, our happiness depend on it.
