One of the first things I do with clients is have them explore their values. This helps us use them as a lens through which they will make aligned decisions.
Nine times out of 10, freedom shows up on the list. This word can mean so many different things to people. What I find interesting is that feeling free requires boundaries and routine.
Freedom and routine? They sound like opposites, don’t they?
How can we desire both at the same time?
Herein lies the paradox of freedom.
If you’ve ever felt this push-pull of wanting to go for it and choosing to play it safe, the good news is you’re human.
We are hardwired to take the safe route because it’s ingrained in our DNA as a key survival instinct.
Yet, in most parts of the world, our basic needs are covered giving us the capacity to dream.
We may even have the opportunity to break free from whatever is making us feel constrained. Yet, when given the choice, we often choose the familiarity of our comfort zone over the endless possibilities that await us if we step outside.
The key to feeling free for me is routine. When I decide, I feel free. No more angst living in indecision.
Six years ago I decided I would meditate every day. I’ve stuck to it but not without having to enforce fierce boundaries to carve out the time. The email can wait, and so can the laundry.
Four years ago I decided that I would be a coach and have a virtual business! I knew that meant discipline, commitment and consistency to show up for my dreams. It’s paid off! I’m free to call the shots, free to choose the direction we are going, and free to be myself every single day.
A few weeks ago I decided I would be one of the crazy locals here in Galway and go swimming in the cold water every day. I made the decision, and now when I get out I feel like I have stepped out of my comfort zone and conquered my fear! I feel free!
Freedom comes from the decision.
Too many choices leads to chaos, ungroundedness and decision fatigue.
Like a child with too many options of toys to play with, or a menu with 400 items to choose from, we can easily become overwhelmed. More choices makes it increasingly difficult to make a decision.
A few years back I was running into Whole Foods to grab some chocolate bars to put in the welcome bags at a retreat I was hosting. I thought it would take me 15 minutes. 45 minutes later I stood there, eyes glazed looking at the 45 different kinds of chocolate bars.
Fairtrade, eco-friendly, milk, white, dark, extra dark, with nuts, without nuts, sugar-free, cane sugar, and the list went on and on!
So many choices for a simple chocolate bar. I left feeling drained.
On the flip side think of a restaurant that has a single-page menu and three different entrees. The choice becomes simple, and freedom felt.
Freedom can also be felt with a break in routine!
Like deciding to take a different road home or simply to not set the alarm clock and sleep in! But you see, a decision has still been made!
For me, freedom lies somewhere in this dance between routine and spontaneity.
It looks something like this…
Sleeping in, and waking up early.
The cold sea and a steaming hot bath.
Saving and treating myself for no reason.
Exercising, and staying cozy on the couch watching the storm blow across the bay.
Eating clean and chocolate cake.
Saving for retirement and taking mini retirements now.
Being prolific in my work and taking time off.
Letting people find their own way and providing guidance.
Leading and stepping back.
Compassion and anger.
Community and solitude.
Travel and coming home.
Structure and spontaneity.
Creativity and repurposing.
Water and wine.
Expression and privacy.
Adventure and security.
It is having compassion for where you are in any given moment. It’s making decisions that are in alignment with your own values and definitions. It’s having routine and giving yourself permission to change it up.
Sometimes your choice will be brave and sometimes your choice may be ordinary.
And they can both make you feel free!
