The energy of fear and uncertainty is often what we simply have not yet wrapped our minds around.
We all face uncertainty in our lives at one time or another. In some situations, not knowing what lies ahead creates feelings of excitement and hope. In other situations, it can feel like navigating through the Grand Canyon blindfolded.
As I write this article, we are still in the transitioning phases of a global crisis and unprecedented time with the outbreak of Covid-19. It quickly became a part of our daily lives, causing us to meet the challenges head on and rapidly change our work and home routines to adjust to a new normal. And, even when we aren’t dealing with a major global crisis, there are many other life events that can leave us feeling fearful and uncertain.
For myself, I have experienced two major unpredicted life events and have come to know fear and uncertainty up front and personal all too well in the last two years. Never in my life have I sustained a significant health issue and injuries that required me to adapt so much and endure such treatments and recoveries. But instead of becoming tense with avoidance, reluctance, fear and uncertainty, I accepted my reality, looked fear and uncertainty in the eye and fought like hell.
Why? Because this was my survival. Physical and emotional. I chose to believe I could survive and was living it bravely and unapologetically, doing the best I could, learning from each situation — a cancer diagnosis and a devastating bike accident that resulted in pelvis and elbow fractures. Having hope and refusing to give up supported my navigation of fear and uncertainty.
I work with athletes, I have been an athlete, I still am an athlete, and I believe the mind is the strongest part of an athlete. Athletes work hard, believe in themselves, and never give up. It’s not only the strength of their arms, legs, core, lungs or heart, but their mind as well that keeps them going. Strength comes from how an athlete handles pressure and pain and problem-solves when things get tough.
Shortly after receiving the tough news of my cancer diagnosis and treatment regime, I was reading stories of breast cancer survivors and wrote this mantra down:
Believe.
Believe your best days are ahead of you.
Believe in your power, believe in your strength, don’t stop believing.
Some days I looked at these words and they nourished me, but other days I shook my head in disbelief.
How could believing make any difference?
I told myself believing isn’t enough and I need to do more. Believing doesn’t keep my hair from falling out, make it grow, create more energy, help me look like myself or get me back in motion doing the things I love and need, like hiking, biking and paddling again or brushing and preparing my hair for the day or earning money. My body does that. My legs and arms do that. My strength does that. My athlete mindset told me I needed to be strong physically. Believing,
I thought, had no part of getting there.
But the more I thought about it and experienced the positive effects of belief like decreased anxiety, a positive outlook, and hope, the more I realized how much power belief holds. I’ve realized that it’s what keeps me going and what keeps me curious.
Believing that I will hike 18 miles in a day or bike across the state is what allows me to try.
Believing forced me to continue to meet with my trainer, take painfully slower walks than usual, and to do the hard things that prepared me to get back to all my activities and plan to try new challenges.
Believing that my health and hair would return is what kept me showing up for unpleasant treatments and to be grateful for the opportunity to receive more health and wellness in the future and embrace my balding head baseball hats.
Believing I could beat cancer is what gave me the strength and courage to re-evaluate my diet, sleep, relationships, and work routines and implement changes to support my fight.
Believing is what gave me the grit to leave a full time job with a 401k to become an entrepreneur and operate my own business on my own terms that gave me the freedom, time, money and flexibility to raise a family and design a life I love.
Believing is what separates me from those who never try or those who give up when situations or life feels too hard.
Believing is a challenge, but faith in myself and how I will benefit or grow through the process is a strength more powerful than any muscle or lung.
Believing encourages me back into the activities I love to do, gets me up the mountains, on the water to paddle and and back into the saddle of my beloved road bike.
If I believe in the power of my arms and legs and mind, they take me farther and faster than I ever thought possible. It’s like giving myself permission to dream or fly. If I eliminate the limits, the possibilities are endless. And it all starts with my belief.
After my bicycle accident, I was told by my physician that I would not be doing the things I loved to do for at least 12 weeks and then the return to those activities would be a slow process. I was devastated. But only for a few minutes. No, just kidding! This sadness lasted several weeks, arriving in various waves of intensity. There were many moments after my accident that even walking with the support of a walker any distance felt nearly impossible. I wanted to believe that one day maybe I would walk on my own again, and perhaps make a few hikes and get back in the saddle of my road bike before summer was over. Belief is what sparked the journey.
Belief also taught me about the power of community and the impact that others can have on you. The more vulnerable I became in my illness and my injured state, the more I was able to ask and receive help. Although it didn’t happen instantly, once I was healthier, I realized that on the long road of recovery I had received a community of wonderful people who were giving and caring and attentive to my needs.
My community selflessly took care of me when I needed it — my infusion nurses waited on me and made sure I was comfortable at all times, my physical therapist kept the clinic pool opened for me after hours, my friends listened to me cry and told me it was all going to be OK, my girlfriends and daughter planted all my flower and vegetable gardens, my friends brought dinners into the house or shared a meal with me in their homes, my clients adjusted their schedules to accommodate my rehab and brought me gifts, and my mom and kids watched me struggle and supported me with visits, laughter, medical support and lots of hope.
That hope and belief began to grow, and I began to understand more about the power of my mind and my attitude and how those both affected the pain and fear and uncertainty surrounding my illness and injuries. I was able to push past my challenges and believe again in my body’s capabilities and attributes. The trick was simply believing and, in turn, reforming my perception around fear and uncertainty.
This new belief system made me hyper aware of my surroundings. Suddenly I became aware of everything. Some days I felt fear kicking in or negative emotions welling up, but instead of letting those feelings influence my actions, I consciously acknowledged my fear, told myself it was OK to be afraid, reminded myself to be patient, and repeated my positive affirmations to cultivate a positive perspective.
Believe that your best days are ahead of you.
Believe in your power, believe in your strength, don’t stop believing.
You are enough.
Once I repeated the affirmations enough — and some days I had to repeat this process multiple times — the negative thoughts had no room anymore, leaving me to focus on what I could do, on what my body was adapting to and healing from.
It was an essential process for me to choose to believe in myself, rather than let fear, uncertainty, expectation, and doubt get the best of me. Letting go of expectation allowed me to celebrate even the smallest victories, be in the moment and thankful for my current state.
Of course, I’m not perfect, I was frustrated by the side effects of treatment, pain and the slow progress. And I dreamed of cycling, paddling, walking and hiking freely, and being present with my clients again.
I still believed that I would do all of these activities again, but that belief had room to breathe. Though I wanted it badly and wholeheartedly, I knew I didn’t need it.
I didn’t need to hike, bike, paddle or walk again to be happy and find joy.
I didn’t need those things to feel whole and complete. I knew I was enough just as I was. I believed I was enough without that part of me. Even though the activities had always made my life feel brighter, happier and healthier, there’s a difference between needing it and wanting it. Recognizing that separation ignited a fire within me to understand the power of my will, belief, trust and hope, and construct a path to attain what I wanted: to have my physical, emotional, professional and active life back.
I know I will face potential obstacles and side effects from my cancer and fractures in the future. But my belief in myself is stronger than ever. I did it. I am a cancer survivor and I have recovered from my accident and fractures.
The greater purpose of my belief has pushed my own boundaries and taught me something from each experience of illness, injury, and recovery.
And through all of this, belief has been my anchor, keeping me from drifting into doubt and despair and sustaining me through fear and uncertainty. Belief that required a quiet strength to cut through the deepest lows and demand resilience. It might not have been at the forefront of my mind every day, but belief was there: belief in myself, belief in my process and the fight and hard work I was putting in. My belief was restored by engaging in the unknown and believing that anything was possible. In the face of imperfection, setback, or surprise, I believed that a positive outlook and perspective could shape any outcome into a good one. It wouldn’t be easy or uncomplicated, but I pursued, found and had the mentality to meet the challenge of fear and uncertainty head-on.
What challenges, fears and uncertainties do you need to meet head on?
Do you believe in yourself and that anything is possible?
Could a positive outlook and perspective shape the outcome of your fear and uncertainty into a good one?
As I began to return to my normal active lifestyle, I left the fear and memory of the rough moments behind by letting it go and believing in my preparation and capabilities to return to doing what I want and love, not necessarily what I need. I appreciate and acknowledge the journey to get to this point came from the struggles, the support, my community, and the power and desire of my belief to believe “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,” Philippians 4:13.
do you believe in yourself and that anything is possible?
